Confused.

The narrator explains his deep confusion as to why he does not feel the same way around women, as other boys seem to. He expresses, “Where women were concerned, I was devoid of that shyness which other boys possess innately” (106).  He really struggled to find a reason for why he was not uncomfortable around women.  Other boys got very nervous around women, and although he was attracted to them, he was not affected with physical, sexual desire.  I think this has a lot to do with the way in which he saw himself to be much more mature than other boys his age. He gave himself to introspection so deeply that he believed that he was at a different level than others.  He took pride in the fact that he was different, yet he was covering up his “true self”.   He really thinks others do not have a need to understand themselves.  I am kind of going in circles here, but he is going to the other side and saying that he is not able to express his true self like the others are able to do.  “They could be their natural selves, whereas I was to play a part, a fact that would require considerable understanding and study” (104).  I got so frustrated with these parts of the book and him wrestling back and forth on all of this, but I think I was frustrated because I wrestle with so much of myself when I truly take the time to look inside and observe.